(Or, bean-body theory explained.)
When I was in college, and well before marijuana was as refined as it is today, there was a curious theory called bean-body theory.
Hang with me here.
In evolutionary theory there was an old saying that “Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.” What that means is that during gestation, a human fetus takes on the characteristics of our evolutionary past. (Gill slits and webbed feet.)
Bean-body theory takes this one step further by saying that Phylogeny recapitulates Ontogeny. In other words, as we age, our bodies begin to resemble beans. Therefore, we must have all evolved FROM beans.
My take on this is that the legalization of marijuana will bring back ideas like bean-body theory, and in fact this is already occurring with theories like Global Climate Change, Gender Fluidity, Vegan diets and IQ testing.
Imagine for a moment that you’re at a friend’s house and you’re halfway through a monster doobie of Northern Californian and a glass of Napa Valley merlot and your friend explains bean body theory while showing you a picture of say… Hillary Clinton or the women on The View.
You’d be like… “Yea, man, I see it!”
People who think bean-body theory is outlandish have obviously never set foot on a college campus. I recall once having to walk past the Pugil Stick line, as I call it, outside Harvard University. It’s a series of stands filled with activists. In one was a Haaavad professor who stopped me.
Professor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Why not?”
Professor: “What do you think of the quality of education at that school,” he said, pointing to the Cambridge Rindge and Latin school, a high school that borders the campus.
Me: “I don’t know anything about it. My kids didn’t go there.”
Professor: “Well. If they did go there, what would you have thought of the quality of their education?”
I’m NOT making this up. This guy had a PHD and taught at Harvard! (And looked just like Robert Redford, with that look of elite arrogance and snobbish self-assurance.) In this backdrop, asking the opinion of someone who admits knowing NOTHING about the topic, just how loony does bean-body theory sound?
For the record, there hasn’t been a single idea, including the Paris accord that would measurably reduce CO2 emissions. There is no evidence that genders are fluid and most doctors consider raising a child on a vegan diet to be child abuse and the parents should lose custody. A lawyer for an environmental group once said on CNN “Our clients have a right to their opinion regardless of how factual it is.”
If you take in totality the legalization of pot, liberal arts education, the lack of even a rudimentary understanding of biology, evolution or logic along with this new “Harry Potter as literature” mantra in schools, not only could bean-body theory be feasible, but a whole slew of moronic, idiotic, overly simplistic, bone-headed ideas will become main stream.
Personally, I can’t wait. I love bean-body theory.