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Top Ten Reasons to Legalize Breathing.

Top Ten Reasons to Legalize Breathing.

Contrary to what people think, breathing is not legal. It just isn’t illegal. These are the Top Ten Reasons to Legalize Breathing.

 

There are several good reasons to pass a law legalizing breathing.

 

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1) Like pot and liquor, if you legalize it, it can be taxed.

 

2) People who breath more, use more oxygen and should pay higher taxes. Why should I pay for your Zumba class?

 

3) Legalizing breathing opens the door to regulating farting. Farting is, technically, a rectal exhale. It should be taxed as if it was a person with bad breath standing on their head, to not discriminate against taco lovers and broccoli farmers.

 

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4) People will stop using the stupid phrase “Don’t hold your breath.” Now, we’ll have good reasons to hold our breath.

 

5) Breath taxes are a perfect lead in to the new death taxes Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is calling for. The government will take small amounts of money every time you take a breath and when you breathe your last breath, they’ll take what’s left.

 

 

 

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6) You’ll no longer have to listen to those obnoxious sighs every time you prove a liberal is wrong. You sigh, You pay. Simple as that.

7) It would cut back on greenhouse gas emissions as exhaling releases CO2. The national weather service could install camera’s in Antarctica and we cold all hold our breath and watch the glaciers get bigger.

 

8) To avoid the tax people could change their gender to “dead.” This would cut back on the cost of Social Security and Medicare.

 

9) It would reduce population growth as people could no longer afford the heavy breathing that comes with sex. Foreplay would become two-play.

 

10) Finally, because, as stupid as this sounds, it’s nowhere near as stupid as the new Green-deal, being touted by Democrats.

 

I guarantee, death is a lot easier than getting rid of fossil fuels.

About Paul Schwartzmeyer

 

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